Saturday, 21 April 2018

Make the ordinary come alive

Another new chapter in this journey we call life.
There seems to have been a glut of them of late.
Chapters that is.
Living on my own is rather novel.
No lemmings.
No hound.
Just me.
A little crazy, a little weird, but ever so grateful.
I get to define the way I live.
Without interference or a need to consult another.
That’s rather novel after so many years of being a mom.
As the exhilaration of the last few months ebbs away, 
I feel so much gratitude for the joy that’s encircled my world.
One lemming happily married.
All 3 lemmings and their loved ones together for the first time in 4 years.
Tears and love have gone hand in hand.
It’s been extraordinary.
So why am I feeling a tad lost right now?
It’s floored me a little.
Giving the emotion time and space is necessary.
I need to open my mind.
Listen to the nudges and whispers of my heart.
Make the ordinary moments come alive.
I’m practiced at that!
So, I'll keep stalking the Skuas on the beach,
keep listening to the whispers in the trees
laugh with the waves as they race to the shore,
and keep falling in love with the sunrise over and over again.
Hand on my heart.
Feet on the ground.
And Smiles!
Tons of them.
In the end, she became more than what she expected.  
She became the journey and, 
like all journeys, 
she did not end
she just simply changed direction and kept going.” 
~ r.m. drake

Thursday, 1 February 2018

Beaming like a Sunflower

                           “Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.” 
~ Carl Sagan
Embrace each moment fully.
Be stronger.  
Be unstoppable.
My mantra for 2018 😇
A year that we’re already a month into!
It started with a bang with our 3-day market at 
The Cloud over Auckland Anniversary Weekend.  
We all WILTED in the heat but managed to stay upright and smile.
Beaming like a sunflower!
A sense of humour, and Orange and Cardomon ice lollies were a necessity!
February sees the youngest lemming take his marriage vows.
The youngest lemming.
A simple ceremony on the beach.
A short honeymoon.
Then he’s off to uni and she's back to work.
They’ve put so much thought into this decision they’ve made
and I’m immensely proud of them both.
The flat will feel empty without him.
No hound.  No lemmings.
Just me. Myself. And I.
And a furball.
Change is inevitable.
And life affirming.
I’m becoming quite the champion at it.
March heralds the arrival of the middle lemming from the UK.
She’s here for a few weeks.
I am BEYOND excited.
It’s been almost 4 years since I last embraced her.
I’ll also get to meet Dan.
It’s gearing up to be an AMAZING year!
Full of change.
And crazily chaotic.
But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Sunday, 1 October 2017

You got this. Keep going.

The 100 Day Exhibition is taking place as I write.
Putting together my entry over these last few weeks has been hugely time-consuming.  Every evening after work has been taken up with printing the images I’ve used and super-imposing the captions and quotes.  
Piecing it all together was a bit of a last minute scramble and, 
whilst not completely happy with the end result, 
the sense of accomplishment is huge.  
This is something I WILL participate in again.
It’s been a hugely emotional roller-coaster ride.  
On the way home from setting up on Saturday, 
I couldn’t halt the flood of tears that coursed down my face.
Even in her death the hound has bought SO much joy to my world.
Without realising it though my sub-conscious has been quietly 
processing the requirements for my next rambling companion.  
I hadn’t registered all this sub-limal activity that’s been taking place 
until Y and I were deworming some puppies a few weekends ago. 
It’s a litter of pups that Y is involved in the rehoming of.
They were so cute and SO cuddly!
Tripped us up at every turn and sat on our feet whenever we stood still.
But I didn’t want to take one home.
It did spark a thought process though.
And an awareness of what my sub-conscious has been processing.
I know that I want a puppy, not an older dog.
I don’t want another Labrador,
even though they’re one of my favourite breeds.
I want a boy this time.
For no other reason than that my girl was a legend.
A bum-waggling angel in a furry 4-legged body.
Beyond compare.
This next dog will be as unique as she was.
The sub-conscious is a funny old thing.
As Y and I chatted about this next dog it all came jumbling out - so effortlessly.
The type of dog.  Wether it would be a puppy or an older dog.  Even it’s gender.
I couldn’t recall having consciously MADE these decisions but, in my sub-conscious, I obviously had.  Our minds are so productive when left to their own devices. 
Knowing all this though and putting it into action are two very different things.
Whilst I know I’ve come a long way in the 5 months since her death,
 I also know I’m not ready to action the acquisition of a new pup yet.
The loss of my girl still weighs too heavily on my heart.
Sometimes the strength within you is not a big fiery flame for all to see,
 it is just a tiny spark that whispers ever so softly: 
“You got this.  Keep going.” 
~ The Idealist

Sunday, 27 August 2017

The Universe is giggling

It's almost done!
The 100 Days project that is.
When it started in May I was struggling to see a way forward.
The hound had just died and rambling each morning without her 
demanded a commitment and perseverance that I didn't think I had.
Finding something of beauty to post each day,
in honour of her memory,
was even more of a challenge.
But the 100 Days is almost done and dusted
and I can honestly say it has been a thought provoking and very necessary journey.
Looking back on the images I’ve posted 
and the thoughts that have accompanied them, 
takes me on an emotional ride. 
I hadn’t realised how palpable the grief was.
So much of what I see and photograph reminds me of my girl.
Some mornings I sought isolation.
Others I craved a physical presence.
There were mornings when, no matter the weather,
everything appeared bleak
It’s been a hard road, 
but an enlightening one.
There have been so many light bulb moments.
When I’ve known without a doubt that I’ve taken a step forward.
In the right direction.
Last week at Muriwai was one of these moments.
It started with a quotation from ‘the wise one’
“If you’re really listening, if you’re awake to the poignant beauty of the world, 
your heart breaks regularly.
In fact your heart is made to break;
it’s purpose is to burst open again and again 
so that it can hold even more wonders.”
~ Andrew Harvey
And ended with an arbitrary man and his dog.
A windswept man, with a rucksack on his back, 
and a wet, bedraggled happy hound bouncing along at his side.
The contentment they shared was tangible.
I felt it.
I know, without a doubt now, that there WILL be another dog in my life
... despite my protestations to the contrary.
I need another 4-legged rambling companion.
It would never replace the hound but would add its own kind of magic to my day
The hound would have approved of that.
Now is not the right time though.
There is too much happening and SO much planned for next year.
I know from past experience though, 
that life has an agenda of it’s own.
And the Universe giggled again.
“It is being honest about my pain that makes me invincible.” 
~ Yield
Follow this link to see all the images used in my !00 Day Project
100 Days Project - Carol Jardine